


Tabula Rasa

by Caliske_XP



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Amnesia, Angst, Established Relationship, Horror, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Misunderstandings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 21:49:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20378659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caliske_XP/pseuds/Caliske_XP
Summary: The car crash ruined everything for Aziraphale. His memory loss is terrorizing him, his husband, Crowley, might be cheating on him, their son is acting like he is possessed and the house they have just moved into does nothing to weaken that dark vibe. He knows they are keeping secrets from him and he knows it will only be a matter of time before he finds out...





	Tabula Rasa

**Author's Note:**

> I took two of my favourite series and merged them together. Enjoy!

"Angel? Can you come here for a moment?" Crowley's warm voice sounds through the house, catching Aziraphale's attention from where he is putting the plates in the drawers of the old house.

The married couple just moved into the old house in the woods, far from the village and with a big garden for Crowley to take care of his plants. It used to be Aziraphale's parents' house, the house he grew up in, but since his parents found a new, smaller and more modern one in the city, they told their son and his husband they could move into their old one. It was more convenient for Aziraphale's parents to move closer to the city. With his father's dementia, they would be closer to the hospital if something went wrong.

Crowley had figured it would be for the best to move to a familiar area for Aziraphale. Maybe the familiar surroundings will trigger his brain enough to stop forgetting everything. The reason for his amnesia was that Aziraphale had been in a car crash in the beginning of the year. Spring had just started and he and Warlock, their son, had been on their way home from fencing school when the deer appeared in front of the car.

Aziraphale shouldn't have turned the wheel to avoid the deer. He knows he shouldn't have, but he did. The car had flown off the road at top speed and hit a tree. Aziraphale had hit his head hard against the steering wheel. It had damaged his brain severely. The doctors had told Crowley that his husband would have trouble with his short-term memory. If he woke at all.

When Aziraphale had woken up from his coma after three days, Crowley had been there, next to him. It was late at evening in an unfamiliar room, but the sight of his husband’s red hair and sunglasses had calmed him immediately. "What happened?" He had asked when Crowley had clutched his hand in relief. Crowley had explained everything with tears streaming down his face. He told his husband to sleep. Rest would make him feel better.

The next day, when Crowley had returned to the hospital to see his blue-eyed spouse, Aziraphale had looked up at him panicked. "What happened?" He had asked. Crowley knew this would happen. The doctors had warned him about the amnesia, had warned the entire family about it.

So soon after, Aziraphale had gotten his diary. Empty pages he could slowly fill with everything he heard and wants to remember. He draws the faces of the people he meets and writes short sentences with them so he can remember.

When he finally had gotten home, the first thing Aziraphale did was hug their son tight. He was so glad he got out unharmed. Their poor little Warlock. He would be the one spending time with him now. His career as rare book dealer is over. He wouldn't be able to remember the prizes or inventory anymore. Crowley still works as CEO for the... what was it again? Aziraphale cannot remember.

And thus, the little family had moved to a place that may trigger Aziraphale's brain in remembering again. So far, it hadn't helped. The house is also closer to Crowley's work and closer to Aziraphale's parents' new house than the apartment they had lived in. All good enough excuses to move.

"Yes, dear?" Aziraphale joins him in the hallway, next to the stairs. Crowley points at the differently coloured bowls on the table.

"You can put your stuff in here, so you won't forget where you put them." He smiles and Aziraphale sees the small handwritten papers on the bowls. 'Keys', 'Phone', 'Panic button'.

He frowns at the last one. "Panic button?" He eyes Crowley's face and the kind smile he is giving him. Then the man notices a black device with a single red button on it in Crowley's hand.

"I have to go to work. If anything is wrong, you can just push the button so I can come and save you from anything, okay?" He explains softly once Aziraphale took the device from Crowley's hand. He pushes the button as a test and immediately afterwards, an alarm comes from his husband’s phone. The older man smiles and ends the alarm. "I also have a tracking app for your phone so I can find you when you forget the way home, okay?" He shows it to Aziraphale.

It's not that he doesn't appreciate Crowley trying to help him, but he feels a nauseating feeling in his stomach when he sees the map with his phone exact location shown on Crowley's screen. He just doesn't like that he needs guarding like this now. His husband has been treating him as if he is made of glass after the accident and it bothers Aziraphale.

"Crowley..."

"I know, angel. It's just in case, okay?" Crowley circles his arms around Aziraphale's waist and kisses his forehead softly. "I'm just so glad you survived the crash." He whispers in his ear before pecking his lips. "I have to go to work now. I'll see you later today, okay? Oh, and before I forget, I also installed a device on the door that will warn you when the front door is opened. Ciao, Angel."

Aziraphale nods softly and waves with a small smile as Crowley leaves through the front door into the cold November air. The front door closes and Aziraphale sighs.

"Did Daddy leave already?" He looks up and sees Warlock standing on the stairs, pouting softly. "I wanted to say bye."

He is a handsome five-year-old boy, who they adopted when he was just a baby. He was a dream of a child. He never makes a fuss and is really polite. They both love him dearly.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. We will give him a big kiss when he comes home later today, alright?" Aziraphale opens his arms so Warlock can jump into them. He catches him easily. "Will you help me unpack the last boxes? Papa will make you Nutella crepes after."

Warlock smiles and kisses his cheek. "I'm not hungry, papa. But I will help."

Aziraphale takes her upstairs again and puts him down. "Well, you have to eat something." He says but shrugs as Warlock starts to open up the boxes, no longer listening to him.

For the next hour, they keep themselves busy with putting the last trinkets into their new places. "Papa? What is this?" Warlock runs into the room with a mirror in his hands. Aziraphale blinks. He recognizes it.

"That mirror is granddad's, sweetheart. Where did you get it?" He reaches towards the mirror, but before he can take it, Warlock trips and the mirror falls on the floor. The glass cracks and shatters.

"Oh no." Aziraphale quickly picks Warlock up so he won't step into the glass. Warlock hides his face in his papa's curls. "I'm so sorry, papa." He sniffs. "I didn't mean to."

Aziraphale rubs her back. "It's fine, sweetie. I didn't like that mirror anyway. Go downstairs, okay? I'll be there in a few minutes. I'll clean this up first."

Warlock runs out of the room and the world around Aziraphale goes quiet. He hums softly as he cleans the broken glass. "Father used to tell me that this mirror keeps the ghosts out of the house." He has no problem remembering things that happened before the accident, it's just the memories from after which keep disappearing. Whenever the red sand comes, he knows he is about to forget.

Like now. Together with the shards of glass, a load of red sand disappears into the bin when he comes downstairs.

"Papa?"

He looks up at Warlock startled. He is sitting at the kitchen table, which is entirely set up and ready for lunch.

"Warlock? Why did you set the table, sweetheart? We just had breakfast."

Warlock frowns at him. "No, papa. It's 1 in the afternoon." he giggles. "You said you would make crepes."

Aziraphale blinks. Then he sighs, giving up on trying to remember. For all he knows, he just got out of bed. He starts making crepes.

~*~

"Eat your dinner, Warlock," Aziraphale begs their little boy softly. Crowley had come home a few minutes ago, always right on time for dinner, and had not even said a word to their son, who is just playing with his food.

"Crowley, please. Can you tell him to eat?" Aziraphale looks at him, catching Crowley's gaze behind the dark lenses. "I don't always want to be the bad guy yelling at him. He hasn't been eating well for a while now." Aziraphale knows he hasn't since he wrote it down in his diary next to a picture he drew of him.

His husband frowns at him and looks at the full plate next to him. He sighs and turns back to his phone without saying a thing.

Aziraphale huffs. "Crowley?" Meanwhile, Warlock gets up and runs upstairs to his room. Aziraphale groans and drops his face on the table in frustration.

"Are you okay, angel?" Crowley whispers to him and gently strokes his hand over his back.

Aziraphale shakes his head. "No, Crowley, of course I’m not okay.” He snaps. “You barely take time for your son anymore! You are always working! And my mother is just trying to get rid of my father!" He has tears in his eyes once he is done snapping at his husband and shakes his head. "I'm sorry I yelled, my dear boy. This is just all so hard for me." He sniffs and shakes his head. The feeling of guilt settling deep in his stomach. "I think I will just be going to bed early tonight.

Crowley nods, taking off his sunglasses to reveal his golden eyes. "It will all be okay in the end, angel. Come. I will help you clean up the dishes."

The blue-eyes man nods sadly and rubs the tears away from his eyes. He gets up, thanking his husband quietly.

~*~

That night, Aziraphale wakes up in the middle of the night. He yawns as he sits up to look at the clock, carefully sliding out of Crowley's arms.

3.22 am.

Aziraphale hums and lifts the covers to push the red sand out of his bed. He doesn't recognize the room he is in immediately, but Crowley being near him gives him a feeling of safety. Then he recognizes the room as his parents' old bedroom. They must have moved.

It is then he registers the noise. Aziraphale stands up and walks out of the bedroom slowly.

'Close door.'

'Close door.'

‘Close door.'

The mechanic voice keeps repeating those words, making Aziraphale's blood run cold. As he looks to his right, he can see the door to Warlock's room is ajar. The stickers on his door spell out his name. Aziraphale checks on him silently. He is sleeping peacefully in his bed.

He closes the bedroom door before he decides to go find out where the mechanical voice is coming from.

He walks down the stairs slowly.

"Hahaha." He hears a giggle and childlike footsteps run through the hall behind him on the top floor.

He gasps and turns around, only to be met by an empty hallway.

"Warlock?" He asks whispering.

There is no answer.

Aziraphale shakes his head and continues his way downstairs. The 'Close door' is getting louder and louder. And then he is standing in front of the widely opened front door.

How can it be opened like this? Crowley makes sure to lock it every evening. He shakes his head and steps forward to close it. Then his eyes fall on the garden outside. A hooded figure is running through the garden. Aziraphale yelps. "Hey!" He runs outside to follow, but as soon as he is standing on the grass, the door slams shut behind him, making him jump and turn around as the figure disappears into the woods.

"Crowley?" Aziraphale is starting to panic now. He doesn't have a key with him, so he is locked outside. He is bound to wake up Crowley now and see a disappointed look in his eyes.

"Oh, dear." He whispers and looks up at the building. Right above the entrance is the window of Warlock's room. Next to that one is the bathroom window. Then the light flicks on in his son's room.

Aziraphale's eyes widen in terror when he sees a figure walking through the room. It's only when he sees the hood hiding the figure's identity he loses it. Aziraphale starts screaming loudly. "Warlock! No! Crowley! Crowley, please! Warlock!" He is ringing the doorbell again and again. Banging on the door with his fist too. He steps back again to look in through the window. There is blood on the window now.

Aziraphale screams again and starts banging his shoulder against the door, trying to get it open with force. Tears are streaming down from his face. He barely notices the red sand starting to poor from the roof of the house and covering him.

The light in the hall flicks on and there are hurried footsteps on the stairs. "Aziraphale?" The door opens by the time the blue-eyed man has stopped ringing the doorbell.

Aziraphale looks up at Crowley when he opens the door for him.

"Aziraphale, angel? What are you doing here? What’s going on?" Crowley has a panicked look on his face. Aziraphale can see it in his golden eyes.

"I-I..." He stutters and looks down as the last of the red sand only he can see blows away. "I don't remember." He whispers and hugs his husband close.

Crowley sighs and holds him close, running a hand through his husband’s blond curls to calm him down.

"It will be okay, angel. It will all be okay," He takes him back to their room and wraps his arms around him when they settle back in bed. “Try to sleep some more.” Crowley presses a gentle kiss between his angel’s shoulders at the base of his neck.

Aziraphale reads the clock.

3.16 am.

~*~

"Be careful, Warlock, I don't want you to fall out of the tree," Aziraphale yells a few days later when he sees his son climbing a tree late in the afternoon. Crowley had taught him the best way to climb the three last year. He is such a bad influence on their son.

"No, papa. I am careful." He yells back giggling.

Aziraphale shakes his head fondly before he continues cleaning the windows. He hates doing that. Windows get dirty again way too soon. He hums to himself as he finishes his work and smiles. "That's done." He goes inside to get rid of the dirty water and sends a text to his husband.

'Everything is okay. I'll make your favourite today for dinner. Warlock and I love you, dear. xx'

Aziraphale smiles, glad that Crowley had talked him into getting a mobile device. He puts it away again and looks out of the window. He sees his son laying on the ground, deadly silent.

His heart skips a beat. "Oh, no. Oh, no." He runs back into the garden as fast as he can. He must have fallen out of the tree. "Warlock?" He crouches down near him and gently shakes him. "Sweetheart, answer me." He isn't even breathing. "Warlock?" Terror is once again clawing at his throat. He should call an ambulance.

"Boo!" Warlock shouts then and shoots up, making Aziraphale fall back as he looks at his son in shock. It was a prank. Just a joke.

"Dammit, Warlock! Don't you ever do anything like that again!" He yells at him before he pulls him close and hugs him. He feels the relief wash over him and softens his voice. "Don't you ever do that again."

~*~

Aziraphale had taken Warlock to the shop with him. He had remembered the cashier from last time he went. Nothing can take the smile away from his face now. He had made progress. He remembered something without having to look in his diary.

He takes the bend in the driveway to their house and stops in front of the large black gate. He takes the device he needs to open it and pushes the button. Nothing happens.

"That's weird." He mutters and pushes the button again, but the gate won't open.

"Papa? Why are we standing still?" Warlock asks. "I am hungry. You need to drive home now."

"Of course you are hungry now. You never eat unless it's candy." Aziraphale smiles at him. "Don't worry, though. Papa is going to open the gate." He gets out of the car with the device. He tries pushing it again. Still no movement.

He tries to open it by hand, but the black iron won't budge. "Looks like we are stuck..." He mutters.

"No!" A shout from right behind him. "I am hungry! Papa, I want to eat right now!" He hadn't heard Warlock get out of the car, but he is standing right behind him, raising his voice at him.

"We will have to wait here, sweetie. Papa is-"

"No! I want to go in! I am hungry!" He starts screaming non-stop as he starts slamming the car door close again and again.

Aziraphale watches in shock at first before he tries to stop him, but it's no use. Warlock has never acted like this before. He has always been so well behaved. "Now! Now!" Aziraphale backs away from him scared as the windows of the door start to rattle with the force the young boy is using. An image flashes in front of his eyes. A broken mirror.

"Stop!" Aziraphale yells at him and places his hands over his own ears scared. The screaming of his son only seems to become louder, a window shatters. "Stop!" He screams again.

Then suddenly there are arms around him.

"Aziraphale? Angel?" Crowley sounds panicked as he pulls his husband close to his body. The screaming stopped. Warlock is in the car again when Aziraphale looks up as if nothing had happened. There is no broken glass.

"Crowley?" Aziraphale is shaking. Crowley is supposed to be at work. "I..."

"Tell me what's wrong?" Crowley whispers softly, pressing kisses to the top of his head. "Why are you out here without a coat?" He sounds so worried about him.

Aziraphale shakes his head and looks at his husband. "The gate won't open. I kept pushing the button and..." He shows Crowley the device.

The taller man groans immediately. "Come on, Aziraphale. That is the panic button." He lets go of him and gets into the car. "This," He holds up another device." is the button to open the gate."

"Oh..." Aziraphale frowns at his own stupidity. "I didn't-"

"You didn't think. That is your problem, isn't it! You keep interrupting me at work. If you could just be normal!" Crowley loses his cool completely. Aziraphale is glad he can’t see his eyes behind his sunglasses right now. It saves him the look of anger and disappointment directed at him.

Aziraphale stumbles further away from him still shaken up. "I'm sorry." He stutters.

He wishes he could be a good husband for Crowley again. He knows if he doesn't, he will leave him eventually.

~*~

From that moment forward, Aziraphale starts to notice. Crowley will always be preoccupied with work. He will stay longer at work, leave home earlier. Even when he is at home, he won't stop calling and texting. Aziraphale starts to doubt it's all about work.

But Crowley wouldn't cheat on him, right?

He tries to shake it off and focus on something else. The situation with their son is also not going any better. Crowley is still ignoring him most of the time. Warlock is still not eating, he is acting like a brat most of the time and Aziraphale hates to admit it, but he is getting scared of his own son.

Some days he finds him covered in blood, only to forget about it a while later. Other days he thinks he has disappeared completely.

He doesn't know what is happening anymore. He doesn't know what to do.

He refuses to talk to Crowley about it, scared he will snap at him like that day at the gate again. He doesn't want to disappoint his husband any more than he already has.

The only good news is that Aziraphale is starting to remember little bits and pieces of the year. It helps when he looks at pictures sometimes. Like the one they took on Warlock's birthday. The whole family is there. Warlock in the middle, blowing out the candles on his cake.

It had triggered the whole day to come back. Aziraphale had been so proud of himself, but when he told Crowley, all he had gotten was a fake smile and a peck on his lips.

"Crowley, dear? Could you put away your phone at the table please?" Aziraphale asks gently. "You are not being a good example for your son. Who is still not eating, by the way."

Crowley tears his eyes away from the phone for a moment before he glances at the chair Warlock is sitting on. "Eat." He simply says before he starts texting again.

"Crowley!" Aziraphale drops the knife annoyed.

"Sorry, Zira, angel, but I have to go. They need me at work today."

"It's Sunday, Crowley," Aziraphale says unimpressed and tries to glance at his husband's phone.

He is cheating on him. Aziraphale is almost sure about it. He just doesn't have the evidence yet.

Crowley pockets his phone quickly and puts on his coat and shoes quickly. "I know, I'm sorry, but they need me. Bye, angel." He kisses his cheek quickly before leaving.

"Just say goodbye to your son!" Aziraphale yells, but it is no use as the door closes before he even finished his sentence. He flinches and sighs, willing himself not to cry within his son's presence.

"Papa?" Warlock speaks up and he looks at him. "Daddy has a secret." He says and smiles. He holds up the car keys.

"Ah, yes, Warlock. Come on, pack your stuff." Aziraphale gets ready quickly and puts Warlock in the car. He then starts following Crowley to wherever he is going. It all goes well until his husband starts taking a few unexpected turns. Aziraphale frowns. He can't be discovered.

Soon, they are parked in the underground car park of Crowley's work. The blue-eyed man is frowning and biting his lip in frustration. How is this even possible? He is pretty sure this was not Crowley's original destination.

"Papa? I'm bored." Warlock whines.

"I know, sweetheart. Just a little bit longer, okay?"

"Can I play a game on your phone, papa?"

Aziraphale nods and smiles. "Of course." He takes the phone from his pocket and types in the code, ready to go through his apps, searching for the game Warlock always plays. His eyes fall on the tracking app Crowley installed instead.

Of course, that is how he knows his husband was following him.

He decides to call Anathema, their best friend.

"Hello?"

“Anathema, dear? I need you to come pick Warlock up please?"

"What?" Anathema sounds confused.

"Don't ask questions, dear. Please, just come pick him up? We are parked under Crowley's work building."

"What are you doing- No, wait. I don't even want to know what you are going to do. I'll be there in ten minutes, Aziraphale." She hangs up.

He hums satisfied and hands Warlock the phone. "There you go, sweetheart." He lets him play while they wait for Anathema to arrive. Aziraphale keeps himself busy by keeping an eye on Crowley's car, making sure he won't get away without him seeing it.

Soon a familiar black car pulls up next to him and Anathema gets out.

"Auntie Anathema!" Warlock smiles happily and hands his papa back his phone. Aziraphale gets out and hugs his friend.

"Thank you for coming to get him, dear. I owe you one. Please don't ask any questions?" He begs her silently. Warlock stands next to them. "Daddy has a secret! Papa is going to find out." He sings happily, "And I will stay with you." He jumps up and down before climbing into the black car by himself.

"Do you have his things?" Anathema asks the older man. Aziraphale nods and opens the car door. He takes out the superhero backpack Warlock brought with him and slips in his phone. The tracker is still on, so when Anathema drives away, with Warlock and the phone in her car, Crowley will think he left.

And indeed. Not five minutes after they left, Aziraphale sees his husband get back into his car and hurry away.

Aziraphale’s heartbeat speeds up as starts up his car, leaving enough distance between him and Crowley’s Bentley as to not be seen.

He feels his heart beating vigorously in his chest. He is feeling nervous. He doesn’t want it to be true, but there are not many other possibilities.

They drive for a few minutes before Crowley parks his car and gets out. Aziraphale frowns and looks at the building Crowley disappears in.

It's a flower shop.

Tears spring into Aziraphale's eyes as he waits for Crowley to return. He is getting his secret lover flowers. He never brings home flowers for Aziraphale anymore.

"I knew it," Aziraphale screams and hits the wheel, almost missing his husband's car leaving again to its next destination.

Aziraphale hesitates. He wonders if he should follow. He would be able to find out who it is if he follows his husband now.

The curiosity wins. He starts the car again and follows Crowley once again.

Aziraphale keeps rubbing his eyes during the drive, willing back the tears and hoping this is all some misunderstanding.

He is more than confused when he finds himself parking the car at the cemetery.

'Are they meeting up here? Do they fuck here when they are all alone? Dirty Bastard.' All kinds of scenarios are running through Aziraphale's head as he gets out and looks for Crowley at the different sections of the cemetery.

When he steps out from behind yet another hedge, he stops. Crowley is sitting at a grave on the grass. He is sitting with his back to Aziraphale, but it is clear to him that he is crying. The blue-eyed man frowns. They don't know anyone who died recently... do they?

Aziraphale gets closer slowly, now catching the words his husband is saying.

"I miss you so much." His voice is filled with emotion, his sunglasses are lying next to him in the grass.

Then Aziraphale reads the name on the grave.

Warlock Fell

His blue eyes widen as he puts a hand in front of his mouth in shock. This is their son's grave. The son he just left in Anathema's car. His eyes scan over the date on the bottom of the stone.

March 25.

The accident.

He blinks his eyes. There is the sound of a scream, screeching tires and then a loud crash and glass shattering. A blurry image of his son, laying on the ground with blood all over his face.

Dead on impact. He wasn't wearing her seat belt and flew through the front window of the car when they crashed into the tree.

A loud sob leaves Aziraphale's mouth as he falls on his knees in the grass. His tears have started to stream down his face.

Crowley finally seems to notice him, alerted by the choked sobs coming from his husband. He snaps his head around to look at him.

"Aziraphale?" He sounds worried. His eyes are red from crying already. "Shit." He gets up to get to his husband.

Aziraphale clings to him. "He is dead." He whimpers. "Our little boy is dead." He closes his eyes and hides his face into Crowley's neck as he cries. He doesn't want to look at the grave anymore.

"I'm so sorry, angel." He tells him and rubs his hand over his back. "I'm so sorry."

~*~

It took a whole day for Aziraphale to get over the shock of finding out. Crowley had brought him home and cuddled with him in the bed. He had taken the day off at work too, so he wouldn't have to leave his husband.

"You lied to me," Aziraphale speaks up finally. "You kept his death from me. Everyone did." He remembers celebrating Warlock's birthday two months ago, when the accident had long since passed. "Why?" He looks up at Crowley when he comes in and sits on the bed with a sigh.

"It was easier for you." Crowley starts explaining gently, not wanting to anger or hurt the blue-eyed man any more than he already did. "You kept forgetting he died. The doctor... You started talking to him again. The doctor told us your brain blocked out the memories of him dying. You see her, angel. It was just easier."

Aziraphale nods slowly. "I haven't seen him since... you know."

Crowley nods sadly. Aziraphale looks out of the window. The red sand had not taken away his memory anymore. He has a feeling it will never return.

"I want you to be honest with me, Crowley, dear, if I forget again. We almost fell apart because of this secret. You weren't able to mourn properly." Aziraphale pulls his husband close to himself.

"Promise me we will get through this together from now on," He whispers as he places a kiss on his red hair.

"I promise we will get through this together," Crowley whispers back. "I promise."

**Author's Note:**

> The plot was taken from 'Tabula Rasa'. It's an amazing show and there is so much more to it then just this little subplot I took from it. I recommend you watch it, it is on Netflix. All rights belong to één and Caviar Films. 
> 
> The characters were taken from "Good Omens", obviously ;) I do not own them either. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it, let me know what you think!


End file.
